The New You
by OTH-FOQ
Summary: Spoilers 3x22. Damon's thoughts about Elena while he's on his way to the hospital. ONE SHOT. C O M P L E T E.


**Soooooo ! I haven't written for TVD since, like, months. But I had to write something about the finale. Maybe I'll write other stories later.**

**Anyway, what did you think of the episode ? Personnally, it wasn't a surprise at all that Alaric died and Elena's turning. I was expecting it and I know I'm not the only one. However I was surprised by Elena's choice. I really thought she was going to pick Damon. But it makes sense when you think about it. She picks Stefan _right now_, because he's the safe choice and as a human she needs to feel safe.**

**But ! 'Cause there's a but, obviously. Elena's going to turn. She'll be a vampire. And then, she's going to choose Damon over Stefan. I'm sure you can find the reasons why on your own. If not, feel free to ask me my opinion.**

**Now, I think it is important for you to know that I am not at all a Damon/Elena shipper. I am totally team Stefan. There are however two reasons why I wanted Elena to pick Damon in this episode, or later in season 4.**

**- Stefan might leave town and find Katherine and give her a chance. And I am in love with Stefan/Katherine, they're my favorite pairing.**

**- If Elena fully explore her relationship with Damon now, she'll be able to decide who's best for her, and I want a Nina/Paul endgame, whether it's as Katherine or Elena.**

**I don't have anything against Nina/Ian, I just think Paul/Nina have awesome chemistry on screen.**

**Now please let Elena be the badass of season 4, we need someone to wreck havoc in Mystic Falls and we need to see more of these amazing vampire skills !**

**If you read all this, congrats. Now I'd love to read your thoughts about all that.**

**This is all Damon's POV. I don't own anything. This is just my take on what his thoughts could've been during a scene we did not see in the episode.**

**A/N update : This is a one-shot, it isn't supposed to have a sequel. It's just an inside-Damon's-mind.**

**AND PLEASE stop staying that Damon and Elena are over and stop crying over it because they haven't even begun ! The main arc of the show is the love triangle between D/E/S and for now she's only been with Stefan. So please stop pretending you've lost hope for Delena to happen because we ALL know they will in season 4 probably.**

* * *

_You're not dead. You're not dead. You're not dead._ You can't be dead.

Alaric was dead already, but not you, not you.

You are supposed to live, to be happy, to love Stefan. There is no way you're dead.

This damn car can't go faster, I'm sure I can run faster than it. But I'm tired, I'm numb, and I'm not so sure I could run at all right now.

I shouldn't have left. I promised you I wouldn't leave you again and I broke that promise. I shouldn't have let Stefan go back, not alone. We're stronger together. I should've been by your side too. Stupid coin toss.

_Maybe if you and I had met first..._

We did, oh we did. But you don't know, you'll never know because I took that away from you, I compelled you to forget, and although there's a part of me that hates this fact now, I know that it was the right choice. I wasn't ready for you, I wasn't right and I wasn't in love with _you_.

I am now, but you don't want me. You don't want me because I compelled you to find everything you were looking for, and you found this in Stefan.

The irony of the situation kills me. It's like I wished for my own heartbreak.

But I could live with you loving my brother. I just can't live without you in the world. Time seems to have slowed down and I'm stuck away from you when all I want is to be by your side, now more than ever.

You can't be dead. It doesn't make sense.

Klaus is no longer, if anything, I'm the one who's supposed to die, not you.

I think about all we've been through, I remember all the things I said to you, all my wrongs. I realize how much I've changed because, no, _thanks_ to you. You made me human again.

And it hurts so much that I hate you for a second, because I _feel_. I feel everything and I wish I didn't.

I don't even register that I've stopped the car in front of the hospital. I'm already rushing through the doors.

Please, Elena. Please don't leave me, _us_.

I think about Stefan, about Jeremy, about your friends. I think about Rick who tried so hard to be a father to you. I want to snap, I want to scream, I want to cry. I don't need to breathe and yet there's not enough air for me in here.

I see Meredith walking straight up to me, and she talks about things I don't want to think about, things I don't care about. I just want to see you. And she tells me about the blood she gave you. She tells me you're going to go through that. She tells me you're going to live.

And I'm dying inside. Because it's a lie. I know it's a lie, and deep down she knows it too.

You are dead. Again. But this time there's no one to give their life for you. Only blood, vampire blood. You'll come back. But you'll still be dead.

Just like I am.

I race through the corridors. I have to be there when you wake up and realize that you'll never have what you wanted. A normal, human life. I have to be there so you can put the blame on me. I'll take the blame, I don't mind. I just need to look into your eyes again, to make sure you're really here.

I am so sorry, Elena. I failed you.

I failed you as a human, but I won't make the same mistake twice.

I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I fell in love with you. I'm sorry I forced you to choose between Stefan and me when I knew it was tearing you apart. I know my brother, and I know he's so easy to fall for, I've seen it happen in the past. I just wanted you to give me a chance, a real one.

I'm standing in front of the mortuary but I can't push the door open. Inside, I know, Stefan is waiting silently. I hear the sound of one of his tears crashing down onto the cold floor. And suddenly my vision is blurred, and I feel wetness on my cheeks.

My hand is on the door handle, but I'm paralyzed. I don't know if I'll be able to see you lying lifeless on one of those tables.

_Maybe if you and I had met first..._

_ I love you. And it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you._

You're going to remember. You'll hate me for keeping this away from you. You'll understand my decision eventually.

And I hope you'll forgive me. Maybe even learn to love me, now that you'll have _eternity_. I understand that you weren't ready for my love a year ago, but so much has changed since that I feel like our connection has never been stronger than now.

I hear a gasp. And I realize it's you. You're back.

And I know it's time for me to face you, Elena. The new you.

* * *

**Did you like it, or not ? Tell me why :) **

**The rest of the episode was good. I was very surprised by the body swap. Where's Tyler ? And is Caroline gone for good ? She's going to be sooo pissed when she discovers that Bonnie put Klaus into Tyler's body even though it was to save them all.**

**Also, Bonnie _has_ to become badass and use dark magic next season. And there's no way Matt's dead, so no worries.**

**I'm waiting for your reviews ;)**

**OTH-FOQ**


End file.
